Leadership through listening!

What makes a good friend?  Think about that for a minute.  What qualities do you value in a friendship?  Think about the people you hold dear by having them in that mental place of honor and you give them the title of  "Good Friend".

When I think of my good friends, several key behaviors come to mind.  One of those behaviors is a good friend, in my opinion, listens to me.  And in turn, as a good friend, I listen to them!

We all have those people in our lives that don't listen to us.  Those people that seem to not hear us and give us the feeling of being talked at.  Those people who are more concerned with being heard, rather than hearing. 

By the way, we all have that as a core desire.  We all want to be heard, to be noticed, to be cared for by being heard... REALLY heard! Heard at a level that makes you feel like the other person "gets you!".  But, for some of us, that natural god-given desire to be noticed and loved gets out of whack and can overtake and get in the way of effective relationship.  So, let's make a deal, don't be too rough on those people... and let us try not to be one of those people.

But back to that good friend... that one that "gets you".  That person or persons (you might be blessed to have more than one) that makes you feel worthy because, "they really care enough to listen to me!".  That person, whether you realize it or not, is a leader in your life.

Remember, we define leadership as influence, plain and simple.  That friend that gets you, that truly listens to you... you would probably do a lot for them.  You are probably pretty loyal to them.  You would probably join up with them to help get something big done!  And the most powerful point of all this; if you listen to them and that person feels that you get them too, then they would do the same for you!

"Wow, all this can come from listening!?" You might be asking.  Well... in my experience, both personally and professionally, yes!  It is not only a good way to show respect, love and true friendship... it is also an excellent way to lead people!

Leadership through listening!  We so often think we should listen to our leaders.  Well, the flip side of that coin is that it is far easier for someone to follow when they feel listened to!  For a leader, being listened to and being heard (which are two very different things) can often be the difference between how well that leader listens to the people he/she is leading individually and collectively. 

A leader should strive to truly listen (stop looking at the clock when they are talking to you!) first... and then be heard only after the leader's constituents know she/he is truly listening to them.  When an effective leader casts a vision, lays out an effective plan, inspires followers, has to communicate tough decisions, or does many other leadership-type communications, that leader's constituents should be able to hear their voice and their ideas in one way, shape or form in that leaders communication.

My hope is that the people that I influence in my life, personally and professional, are saying, "Hmm... he heard me... he got what I was saying!"

That's leadership through listening!

Are you hearing me?  Do I get it?  Do I get you?  Leave me a comment and join in the conversation!  I DO want to hear you!  Lead me through your input.  I'm listening!

Thanks for the gift of your time in reading this and pondering these ideas.  Hopefully they have influenced you in some way!

Daryl Vanella